Intimate relationships tend to stir our most basic survival mechanisms. When we fear loosing what we have or not getting what we want, we have a tendency to regress into childlike states of relating. These patterns are defense mechanisms for subconscious fears and distorted beliefs about who we are and how others are being.
When we are in these reactive states our frontal lobe shuts down – this is the part associated with emotions, reasoning, problem solving and parts of speech. When this happens we react in extremely predictable patterns, and there is no chance for constructive communication or harmonious resolutions. All we are wired for is survival and control, which only intensifies the initial problem.
There are two brainwaves related to this idle state, alpha and theta waves, and fortunately there is a way to train them to stay engaged and conscious:
Individual sessions of alpha theta training usually improves the self-regulation of these emotional states. The goal here is for each person in the relationship to become more stable and grounded so that their partner’s unpleasant states are not as contagious. When individuals can remain more objective during a squabble, their buttons won’t be as easily pushed thwarting an escalation of the dispute.
Couples synchrony training, a specific neurotherapy protocol, allows two people to be hooked up together to synchronize their alpha and theta brainwaves. The goal here is to help the couple find similar states with which to connect. The synchronized couple seem to be literally on the same wavelength with improved intuition, understanding and empathy.
Ideally, each individual would have private sessions, and then the couple would do synchrony sessions together.
After neurotherapy, long term patterns of abandonment, jealousy, controlling behaviors, communication problems, resentments and anger tend to spontaneously diminish.